Almost every learner picks up 对不起 (duìbuqǐ, “sorry”) within their first week of studying Chinese. And for good reason — it is the most famous apology in the language. But here is the part textbooks rarely tell you: Chinese has no single “sorry.” There are several ways to apologize, and each carries a different weight, from a quick “my bad” for bumping into someone to a serious, face-saving apology in a formal setting. Choose the wrong one and you can sound either careless or needlessly dramatic.
This guide breaks down the apology phrases you will actually hear in China, the cultural rules that shape them, and how to pick the right one for the moment.
The Standard: 对不起 (Duìbuqǐ)
The default, all-purpose apology is 对不起 (duìbuqǐ), which literally means “not worthy of you” — a polite way of lowering yourself relative to the person you wronged. It works for most everyday situations: stepping on someone’s foot, being late, making a small mistake at work. It is sincere, direct, and never out of place.
If you want to make it feel more personal, add 我 (wǒ, “I”): 我对不起你 (wǒ duìbuqǐ nǐ, “I’ve wronged you”). And for a softer, more casual apology among friends, many people shorten it to 对不起啦 (duìbuqǐ la) — the 啦 (la) particle lightens the tone and makes it sound less heavy.
The Serious One: 抱歉 (Bàoqiàn)
When the situation is more serious, or you want to sound genuinely regretful rather than just polite, use 抱歉 (bàoqiàn). It carries more weight than 对不起 and is common in professional settings, formal emails, and when you have caused real inconvenience or disappointment.
You will often hear it as 很抱歉 (hěn bàoqiàn, “very sorry”) or 非常抱歉 (fēicháng bàoqiàn, “extremely sorry”) when the apology needs extra emphasis. In written Chinese, you will also see 深感抱歉 (shēngǎn bàoqiàn, “deeply sorry”) in formal apologies — the kind you might write in a business email or a formal letter.
The Everyday Apology: 不好意思 (Bù hǎoyìsi)
Here is the phrase locals reach for dozens of times a day. 不好意思 (bù hǎoyìsi) literally means “can’t feel at ease” — a mild, humble way of saying “sorry” or “excuse me” that does not admit serious fault. It is the phrase you use for small social frictions: squeezing past someone on the subway, asking a stranger for directions, or interrupting a conversation. It is also a gentle way to decline something without causing offense (“不好意思，我有事” — “Sorry, I have something on”).
Understanding when to use 不好意思 instead of 对不起 is a big part of sounding natural. Roughly: 对不起 is for real mistakes, 不好意思 is for everyday politeness. Mix them up and you will still be understood, but using 不好意思 for a genuine serious error can sound flippant, while using 对不起 for a tiny bump on the street can sound overly dramatic.
The Humble One: 是我的错 (Shì wǒ de cuò)
When you want to take full responsibility, say 是我的错 (shì wǒ de cuò, “it’s my fault”) or 我错了 (wǒ cuò le, “I was wrong”). These phrases go beyond a simple “sorry” — they acknowledge fault directly, which matters a lot in Chinese culture where admitting a mistake is seen as a sign of maturity rather than weakness. In an argument or after a conflict, 对不起 alone can feel incomplete; adding 是我的错 shows you understand the cause, not just that you regret the outcome.
Apologizing to a Group: 请大家原谅 (Qǐng dàjiā yuánliàng)
In Chinese, apologies are often directed not just at the injured person but at the wider group — colleagues, a class, a dinner party. For these moments, the useful phrase is 请大家原谅 (qǐng dàjiā yuánliàng, “please forgive everyone”) or simply 请原谅我 (qǐng yuánliàng wǒ, “please forgive me”). The word 原谅 (yuánliàng, “to forgive”) is key: it frames the apology as a request for forgiveness rather than just an admission of fault.
You will hear this in classrooms, meetings, and family settings — for example, when a boss or teacher is late, or when someone must leave an event early. It is a warm, collective way to smooth things over.
The Cultural Side of Apologizing
Chinese apology culture differs from Western habits in a few important ways:
- Face (面子, miànzi) matters more than blame. In China, an apology is often as much about restoring harmony and saving face as it is about establishing who is at fault. This is why you will hear both parties say 不好意思 to each other after a minor clash — even the person who was wronged — as a way of smoothing the interaction rather than assigning blame.
- Actions speak, and so do small gestures. A simple verbal sorry is often paired with a gesture — a slight nod, a hand offered in help, or, in more serious cases, a gift or a meal as a way of making amends. The apology is the start; repairing the relationship is the goal.
- Sometimes a silent apology is best. In Chinese culture, openly admitting fault in front of many people can be humiliating for both parties. In serious workplace or family conflicts, the apology often happens privately or indirectly — through a favor, a kind gesture, or a quiet conversation — rather than a loud public declaration.
Quick Reference: Which Apology Fits?
| Situation | Phrase | Tone |
|---|---|---|
| Bumping into someone on the street | 不好意思 (bù hǎoyìsi) | Light, everyday |
| Being late for a casual meetup | 对不起 (duìbuqǐ) | Standard |
| A mistake at work | 很抱歉 (hěn bàoqiàn) | Formal, weighty |
| After an argument | 是我的错 (shì wǒ de cuò) | Takes responsibility |
| Addressing a whole group | 请大家原谅 (qǐng dàjiā yuánliàng) | Humble, collective |
Putting It Together
The best way to apologize in Chinese is to match the phrase to the weight of the moment. Start with 不好意思 for small daily frictions, step up to 对不起 for genuine mistakes, and reach for 抱歉 or 是我的错 when the stakes are higher. Pair your words with a sincere tone and, where appropriate, a small gesture — and you will sound far more natural than someone who just memorized 对不起.
Want to keep building your everyday Mandarin? Check out our guides on saying hello, thanking people, and other essential phrases to sound like a local. And if you are ever unsure about the characters or tone of a phrase, a quick lookup tool can save you from a cringe-worthy mix-up.
